I haven’t written in this journal for a while. My daddy told me it’s a good way to talk to you. I think I’ll tell you about my week.
Well, first, I don’t know if I told you this before, but I like to smile at myself in the bathroom mirror! I have crooked teeth but Mom says they are special like my very own style. My parents love how I sing and dance from room to room (but not when I’m running late for school).
Shelby is my imaginary friend (I’m sure you already know about her since you know everything). She laughs and twirls around a lot with me and we talk about stuff. Sometimes I think it would be lonely to be like her but sometimes I think it’d be great. Shelby knows how to be invisible.
Saturday I went to a bridal shower party with my mom! I was the only kid there so I felt like a grown up. I wore my clicky high heel boots and sat very tall next to all the ladies. I met a lot of them and they all said “You are so beautiful!”
At first I just smiled and said “thank you” but then I decided to tell them “I am also an inventor.” They laughed and said I was cute.
We played games and ate cupcakes (I lick the frosting off first because that’s the best part). They were SO yummy, but many of the women called themselves very bad for eating them.
We played games and I won the word game! I got some hand lotion for a prize and it smelled like vanilla and mint. Another lady won a ticket to get ice cream and she wanted to trade me so she could still fit into her bridesmaid dress. I didn’t get the joke but I think I was supposed to get it because everyone laughed except me.
Then she said she was already fat enough and someone else said “Well if you think you’re fat, you should see me naked.” Then we all laughed again. I can’t wait for the wedding because the bride will probably look magical like a princess. Plus, she’ll get to dance with her daddy even though she’s older now.
Before we left the party, we took pictures together. They asked me to take a picture of all of them. They showed me how to zoom in because they wanted their faces only with no bodies.
Then they wanted me in a picture too but I had to wait while they decided how to do it. Some of them wanted the picture from far away so you couldn’t see their wrinkles and some of them wanted it from up high so you couldn’t see their double chins (I don’t know what double chins are but I hope I don’t have them).
So the ladies took pictures and looked at them and then took more and looked at those too. Then they stopped taking them but they didn’t like how any of them turned out so they made promises about not putting them on their Facebooks.
I’m not sure why they didn’t just smile the same way they smile when there’s no camera. That’s what I did.
On Sunday we went to church to learn about God (YOU!). We learned about how much you love us no matter who we are or where we come from or what we’ve done or what we look like (thank you for being so loving!). I wondered about why there were no girl teachers, just boy teachers. That’s way different than at my school which is full of good teachers but mostly girl ones.
But my church has the best snacks and also fruit punch. I took a banana and two cookies and the lady by the kitchen said it was an awful lot of food for such a little girl. She smiled but I don’t know if I was supposed to smile.
After church I went with my mom to have lunch at a restaurant with some different ladies. It was for someone’s birthday (they sing to you on your birthday there!). When we walked in, one of the women looked at my mom up and down with her eyes and then down at herself and her own belly. She kept touching her belly and holding her breath. She looked very uncomfortable. There was a mirror behind our seat and a window next to us and she looked in the mirror a lot and in the window a lot while the rest of us were talking.
Then she did a thing to her food too where she picked it apart with her fingers before she ate it just like the chipmunks from my backyard. Most of the other birthday party ladies said they didn’t want to order much food because they were trying to be good. I don’t know if I ordered the good food or not.
Another lady came late for the birthday lunch and I never met her before. She was very, very funny and her laugh made me laugh. We laughed together and she looked like a strong athlete like the kind my mom used to be and the kind I want to be. I told her I loved her cool pants because they were like mine so we must be like twins!
Then she wiggled her legs and said they weren’t so cool and she had to get rid of them. I’m not sure how she would walk without them but I didn’t know what to say back because she seemed mad at her legs. She was nice to me but very mean to herself.
On Monday morning I got to skip school because I had to go to the dentist, which I hate (except when I had a tooth pulled and they gave me laughing gas!). The dentist asked me what I’ve been up to and if I’ve been kissing lots of boys. He said that over and over and over like he was funny. I haven’t even ever kissed a boy. I don’t know why he says that about me.
When I got back to school it was time for recess. A boy in my class wouldn’t stop chasing me even though I told him “Stop it, please!” Then he kept teasing me until finally he punched me in the arm. I told the playground lady and she told me he probably has a crush on me. I asked her why he treats me bad if he likes me and she said “That’s what boys do.”
I don’t think I want boys to have crushes on me. Why can’t they just be my friends? THAT’S what I should have told the dentist!…That girls make good friends too.
At the end of the day I had gym class which I do not like as much as art class and music class. Last year my gym teacher told me it was inappropriate when I wore a tank top to gym class. I don’t want to get in trouble for being an inappropriate person so I wear other clothes now even though it’s always hot in gym class. I wonder what his daughter wears when she gets hot.
On Tuesday I got to go to a choir concert which was great because I love music (I play piano too, as you know already). There was an older lady playing piano while the high schooler kids sang their choir songs. She was amazing and moved her hands so fast like I want to when I get better at it!
After the concert I told her about how amazing she was and she said she messed up a lot and was really bad. I swear I’m not a liar (I know lying hurts people) but she still didn’t believe me. At my recital, if someone likes what I play, I am going to say “thank you” even if I am not the best because I bet they meant it.
On Wednesday I had volleyball practice (which I love!), but before that I had to go to the grocery store with my mom (which I do not love). We had to walk around forever and wait in line FOREVER! There are some kid puzzles in the line so I like to look at those. And there are women ones too.
I wonder who decides about the best and worst clothes and the best and worst bodies. That’s a lot of people to choose from. I wonder if the worst bodies with the worst clothes are sad and if they know they have bad bodies and bad clothes. I wonder how they can tell.
When we got to the cashier lady she told us she was sorry we waited so long. Then her scanner machine wouldn’t work so she said she was sorry. Then she sneezed and said she was sorry. Then she said she was sorry when she handed Mom her change and Mom dropped it. The lady was sorry for lots of things. I smiled at her when we left. I hope that didn’t make her sorry too.
I love Thursdays. My mom and I both like Thursdays because it’s not as busy as Mondays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Lots of times we will watch a movie or read a book together. We love to snuggle up in her big giant bed. Sometimes we will have tickle fights and I will laugh because her belly is so squishy. This makes her laugh too because it jiggles like jelly. Sometimes we laugh so hard we can’t breathe!
I love to lay on her soft belly like a pillow and snuggle into her. She tells me about how proud she is of her belly because I used to live there safe and sound. She says she loved me even then. I said “If you are so proud of your belly why don’t you buy a swimsuit so you can go in the lake with me and crash into the waves?” She gave me a big, giant hug and said, “That’s a wonderful question, my beloved (she calls me her beloved). Maybe it’s time I do that.”
So now it is Friday! It has been a long week. I am glad I could tell you. I tell Mom and Dad, and Shelby too, and Happy my dog, but sometimes I want to have my own journal and my own prayers. So since you’re God, can I ask you some questions? I will list them for you.
1) Do I have a double chin?
2) Am I naughty when I eat cupcakes?
3) What are carbs? Should I lose my legs?
4) Can I be friends with a boy without kissing him?
5) Why am I inappropriate?
6) Do people think I’m a liar?
7) Should I be sorry more?
8) Can I be the teacher at a church someday?
9) Are my clothes the best or the worst?
10) Am I a good body or a bad one? Am I a heart too?
11) Are you sure you love me as I am?
Thanks for hearing me, God. Mom says you talk to us in lots of ways so I will try to listen for your answers. I hope they will come soon because life is confusing. Well, my hand hurts from writing (I’m getting good at cursive!) and Shelby wants to go dance now. So do I!
You can dance with us too if you want.
Love and hugs,
nine year old girl