WHAT IS GRIEF? Distress over affliction; sharp sorrow; painful regret. A multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. THE FACE OF GRIEF At its worst, it will feel like dying. At best, like choosing to live again. Sometimes it's a drone, like living on a busy street and the swoosh of cars you hear but don't notice. The clock changes … [Read more...] about grief
lips call to their kind by a longing song of silence swarms of breeze push scarlet hair, tickle every nerve bare to life restraint unravels, trades thought for touch; moonlight starlight paints on laughter lines faces find home in oasis eyes; hearts learn curves of divine shape inside the world in a cloud with cupped ruby cheeks; mouths melt pink, silence begins to sing a cooling warmth, tongue water sweet; holy heat curls, stirring bellies secret … [Read more...] about the kiss
I am so envious. I’m envious of people with really good teeth. Especially when they’ve never seen an orthodontist and they drink liters of black coffee between donut-chewing and not flossing. They do all this while smiling, by the way. I’m envious of women who OWN that two-piece swimsuit even after their bodies have sagged and settled. Yes, I do jiggle and bounce up this beach. And?? This kind of bikini-wearer isn’t worried about containment because she is too busy … [Read more...] about envy
On February 20, 2016, I was hovering over my phone in the darkness waiting for any announcement that police had finally captured the Uber driver who was randomly shooting people in my community. In the midst of his spree, I felt hunted. We all did. We were locked down — in our homes, restaurants, theaters, bars — posting warnings on Facebook, trying to keep each other safe. I kept hearing sirens. Felt a visceral tremble in my spirit. Powerlessness, I think it was. Who is … [Read more...] about the logic of evil, the handprint of goodness
I was washing the butter off the pan that grilled our cheese sandwiches. Early afternoon was here already, and when I looked downward at the soap water and caught view of my pajamas, I remembered my exhaustion from a night of poor sleep. Guilt thoughts about the day being half wasted had tried to creep in, but they were pressed thin by my eight-year-old daughter's roaring laughter over the way my pinky finger lifts whenever I eat handheld food. We had squeezed a grapefruit's … [Read more...] about choosing care and connection
Sometimes I say too much of the wrong thing for the worst reason at the most inappropriate time. Sometimes. For a decades-long stretch, I believed it was nothing much when the other prepubescent party goers duct-taped my mouth shut between the peaks of opening presents and eating cake. It occurred to me if I played along with the popular thing in the room, even if it required humiliation, I could redeem my gangly, 11-year-old self. So I smiled through my pooling spit and … [Read more...] about Hi. I’m Cyndie.